I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
