they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
