I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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