i think my tv is drunk
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
