I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
