i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
