We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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