I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
