i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
