in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
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