btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
