I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize