is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize