I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
