Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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