When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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