i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
