I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
