Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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