U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
His nipple licking is glorious
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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