If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
