Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
