So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize