Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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