We won't sleep together?
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
