do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
