Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
