I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
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