You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
