I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
