Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Randomize
