he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
