I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
that's an acceptable place to lick
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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