Who did Billy Mays play for?
he thought i was a dude.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Randomize
