I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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