We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
