He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
