i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
