Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
