I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
