I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
