3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
