He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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