Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
