'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
We just shotgunned beers for America
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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