are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
