It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
