my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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