PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
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