By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
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