sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
