I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
