My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
