The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize