i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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