I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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