And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
