Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
