he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
