what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
