does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
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