And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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