I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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