I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
There's a naked man in my car right now.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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