Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
