Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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