it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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