Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
