yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
