is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
As shirtless as possible
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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