We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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