We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I'm too high and old for this...
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
