Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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