he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
