My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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