I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
