I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
