I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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